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There was a point at about the 1 hour 30 minute mark when I seriously thought that Sony had somehow invented a machine that meant that their press briefing was never going to end. Somehow Sony managed to go from “this conference is amazing” to “this conference has some great announcements but the gameplay has dried up” to “why is that mob boss on stage talking about TV and movies” to “oh my God I’ve lost the will to live.” All in the space of two hours (seriously, my Twitter feed goes wrong pretty fast). 

I waited a few hours after I got some sleep before writing this recap because the whole thing was overshadowed by the 40 minutes of that guy from the Sopranos shitting all over the conference, but there really were some awesome moments and announcements hidden in my vague recollections of the first half of the briefing.

No Man’s Sky

I’m starting with No Man’s Sky because it is hands down the game I’m most looking forward to. Ever since it was revealed at the VGX Awards last year I’ve been anxiously awaiting any and all information about it, and I was pleasantly surprised to see it appear on the Sony stage. A few mates from Guildford have teamed up to create one of the biggest, most exciting video game prospects in years, and I cannot wait to dive into the procedurally generated sci-fi explorer. Hopefully next year too. I want this game so bad and I want it right now.

Destiny

Speaking of games I want so bad and right now; here’s Destiny and here’s a narrative trailer. I’ll forgive it for having a few passing similarities to Halo (seriously, Guilty Spark turns up at one point), because the game looks like it’s set to be fantastic. Plus the trailer has a Peter Dinklage voice over and Dinklage is fucking awesome. The idea of playing one of the last survivors in the last Human city, defending it from a hostile invasion against both scripted and procedurally generated encounters that even the developers might not anticipate is an exciting and truly “next-gen” idea.

Little Big Planet 3

Thanks to my not owning a Playstation 3 I have never played a Little Big Planet Game. Like Infamous, Killzone and many more PS exclusive franchises I am coming at them for the first time on PS4. I know it’s a big deal for people who’ve played the previous games, and I know that Media Molecule delivered my absolute favourite game of 2013, so anything that they make I am already hyped for. And Little Big Planet 3 looks like it’s going to be very charming and a whole lot of fun. Plus the team on stage delivered the most fun game demo of the show.

Entwined

Look, everyone here knows how much I love indie games. They can be so out there and deliver such fantastic and varied experiences. So I really like that Sony is willing to put worthy indie games front and center at its conferences and on its consoles. Entwined looks great, like a game that I’ll very easily be able to lose myself in, but what’s most awesome about it’s E3 appearance is that it was not only an announcement for a game I’d never heard of, but it’s an announcement that the game is available right damn now.

Bloodborne

Your reaction to this announcement was always going to depend on how much you got from the likes of Demon’s Souls and Dark Souls. This is an exclusive to PS4 brand new IP from the guy who created both of those games, but who stepped down from Dark Souls 2. There’s not much to the trailer other than a setting…although one would assume that the game is going to be brutally difficult. It was worth the reveal just to watch desperate games blogs attempting to get the scoop on their site first, announcing that “Blood Born” was coming to PS4, before quickly correcting themselves after seeing the title flash on the screen. Hopefully there’ll be something playable at Eurogamer for me to see more about what Bloodborne is bringing to the table.

Batman: Arkham Knight

The gameplay trailer for the recently delayed Arkham Knight came after the conference meltdown, so I had to watch it again, but it sure does tick a lot of boxes. Good boxes. Batmobile! Batmobile transforms into a tank! Awesome combat! SCARECROW! Seriously there’s not really a lot you can say about Arkham Knight except that it’s looking good and now that the Arkham series is back in the hands of Rocksteady, where it belongs, I have renewed faith in the series after the mild disappointment that was Arkham Origins.

Uncharted 4

What’s there to really say about Uncharted 4? It’s coming out, which we knew it was. It looks pretty, which of course it would. The story, for what it’s worth, seems fairly generic. I’m excited to finally get to play an Uncharted game, and it did need announcing, but it seemed so…muted. Here’s a CG video for a game we all knew was coming that shows nothing but some great graphics. Okay…

 Magicka 2

loved the first Magicka and was extremely excited about the reveal of a sequel. I seriously lost my shit when it appeared on stage and had a similar reaction to the wizard guy from the trailer above. GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW.

Grim Fandango

The “letter” gimmick was kinda lame, but I really did get a kick out of the funny letter from “Sally T. Age 10” and that it led to the reveal that Grim Fandango is coming to PS4 and PS Vita blew my mind (you can see why there was a point in this conference where I felt like I was going nuts for what Sony was serving up).

Let It Die

I love Suda 51, he’s made some great games from Lollipop Chainsaw to Shadows of the Damned and No More Heroes to Killer7, in fact his console only games are one of the reasons I don’t game exclusively on a PC. Although the information we got wasn’t much I’m excited to see that he’s making a new, suitably crazy looking game and am looking forward to learning more about it in the near future.

Grand Theft Auto V

They seemed to be trying to make it sound like GTA V was only coming to PS4, it’s also coming to PC and Xbox One (and will presumably also have the game save transfer mechanics mentioned at the end of the reveal), which is fantastic news for me as I haven’t had a PS3 or Xbox 360 for a while now and haven’t had a chance to play it yet. And speaking of games I haven’t had a chance to play yet because of generational divides…

The Last of Us Remastered

Expecting a trailer there? Well you’re not getting one. I’m not being stodgy or mean, I’m doing you a favour. If like me you missed The Last of Us and have been eagerly awaiting the chance to get your hands on the PS4 version then you’re really going to want to avoid the trailer. It has MASSIVE SPOILERS in it. Did Sony think that everyone interested in the PS4 version of the game had already played it? That’s pretty dumb, not least of which because they’ve made big noise about all the former Xbox 360 owners they’ve captured because of the underwhelming Xbox One reveals from last year. Thanks a lot Sony.

Free to Play Means Free to Play, Except When It Doesn’t

This part of the conference sums up quite a lot about the conference. The soon-to-be infamous free to play sizzle reel. The mob boss said the word free a lot when he was talking about the free to play games coming to Playstation platforms. I’ll let you see why the clip is going to be infamous, but I’ll give you a hint, there’s a fairly massive disclaimer at the bottom of it that sums up “free” to play games quite nicely.

Dead Island 2

I’ve been tricked before by a fantastic trailer to a Dead Island game that the game itself utterly failed to live up to, so I’ll be approaching Dead Island 2 with trepidation. The trailer is pretty sweet though, and it’s tone is more in line with the tone of a Dead Island game. No gameplay, but I can’t imagine it’ll stray too far from the original even though it really should. I’m surprised that Dead Island 2 is even really a thing, because we’ve already got Dying Light coming out next year, which plays almost exactly like Dead Island but with parkour. Oh and it sounds like Jack Black was in the trailer, so maybe he’ll be in the game?

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

Konami, Kojima and the Metal Gear Solid franchise are still on my list for the hideous shit they pulled with Ground Zeroes, but that doesn’t stop MGSV from looking like a pretty great game that looks like it’s taking full advantage of the PS4 hardware. But it’s hard to get excited by a game that has already tried to rip me off once this year by charging me £40 for a demo.

Playstation TV (or, where it all went wrong)

So after about 40 minutes of non-stop, awesome games reveals Sony decided to hit the brakes and start talking about hardware. It seemed fair, they wanted to talk about Morpheus and Playstation TV, and it’s not like they didn’t have a captive audience to do so. Plus the best place to announce stuff like that was on stage at E3. The trouble was that all of the talk about everything that wasn’t really about awesome new games completely killed the momentum of the conference, and they went on about it for so long that when they finally got back to games (and I question the logic of coming back to a Mortal Kombat X gameplay demo, of all games) I just didn’t care anymore. They talked about this crap for about 30 or 40 minutes. TV this, movie that, hardware this, streaming that, did you know we sell a camera? Kill me already.

The biggest offender was Powers. I love Brian Michael Bendis and I love the Powers comics, so I was amped up to see the show, which was being produced exclusively for the Playstation. And they actually talked about it, even if they did so for way too long at a point when, had I been in the crowd, I was ready to jump the next person who came onto stage to talk about something that wasn’t a game. Powers is coming to Playstation Plus members for free! IN NORTH AMERICA!?!?! What the fuck Sony? You make me sit through all that crap about hardware and TV shows and that dumb Ratchet and Clank movie, after roasting Microsoft for the last 12 months for focusing too much on entertainment and not enough on games no less, and then tell me that the potentially awesome new TV show based on a comic I love ISN’T EVEN GOING TO BE AVAILABLE IN MY COUNTRY!?!?!

I’d have gladly burned the conference center down at that point. With me inside. I’m quite happy that I canceled my PS Plus sub a couple of months back.